How to help your athletes navigate life’s twists and turns

By Lee Erica Elder
CBN Dec/Jan 2010

I always do my best to make the gym a sanctuary away from outside issues. I find that many athletes enjoy coming to the gym to have some time away from home issues. Oftentimes listening is the best thing we can do.” —Casey Jones, president, Stingray Cheer Company, Kennesaw, GA

One of the greatest gifts in working with young athletes is the opportunity to leave an indelible and positive mark on their future. But with this gift comes great responsibility, because these cheerleaders are entering important stages of maturity and development while in your care. Any issues happening at home, school or with friends are bound to affect not only their performance in the gym but also their growth and emotional well being as young adults.
When a devastating situation strikes one of your athletes, the aftermath can be

When life throws a curveball, athletes can rely on their team for support.

overwhelming, and it’s often difficult to know how to handle it. Craig El, coach and owner of Ultimate Athletics in Lindenhurst, IL, knows all too well what it means to deal with such troubling circumstances. One of his athletes was once so traumatized by the loss of several close friends that she became suicidal. “Two of her friends were self-medicating, which resulted in drug overdoses that took both their lives,” El says. “This started a chain reaction of suicides among other friends. The continual loss of people [this athlete] loved resulted in anxiety, depression, insomnia and thoughts of suicide. The number of suicides became so large that her high school was temporarily closed, which resulted in national news coverage.”
In this situation, El took immediate action and began meeting with the athlete and her parents on a daily basis for support and encouragement. He believes that cheerleading saved this young woman’s life. “We set up a plan that would offer her opportunities to come into the gym on days when she had nothing to do, during which she talked, and I listened,” says El. “She was encouraged to turn these tragedies into opportunities. Being the natural leader that she is, she went on to help some of the families of the suicide victims.”
To be a truly effective coach or gym owner, it’s imperative to understand how to help your athletes get through hard times. There are tangible ways for you and your staff to provide a healthy support system for your program, but you also need to know where to limit your involvement and when to encourage your cheerleaders and their parents to seek professional help. CBN canvassed an extensive group of coaches and medical professionals to prepare you to help your athletes through difficult times.

What’s Wrong?

Sometimes it’s tricky to know what’s going on in your athletes’ minds. Pay attention to them and keep an eye on their general behavior, so you can pick up clues that something might be wrong. It’s crucial to recognize the difference between everyday ups and downs and more serious issues, and whether they’re due to temporary life changes or the athletes’ psychological health. “If symptoms last for more than two weeks, this requires an assessment by a professional who’s trained to deal with these issues,” says Jane Le Vieux, PhD, psychiatry consult liaison nurse at Children’s Medical Center in Dallas. “Mental health issues can affect the student-athlete by diminishing physical health and appearance, school performance, social activity and the ability to handle everyday decisions and pressures. Professional counselors and clinical therapists can help reduce the symptoms of a mental disorder, improve relationships, strengthen coping skills and promote behaviors that improve the child’s life.”

Dealing with the Big D’s

In the case of a serious hardship, such as divorce or the death of a loved one, a young person’s mindset is sensitive and requires a cautious approach. Many times, younger athletes believe the situation is their fault. Dr. Pamela Enders, PhD, psychologist and peak performance coach on the faculty of Harvard Medical School, says this is because younger children haven’t necessarily developed the ability to process the feelings and emotions to understand these situations. “We know that divorce affects self-esteem in [ital: all] kids—from youngsters to teenagers,” says Dr. Enders, who’s also a member of the American Association of Cheerleading Coaches and Administrators (AACCA), founder of confidentcheerleadingblog.com and author of The Mental Game of Cheerleading: Training for Competitions and The Mental Game of Cheerleading: Tryouts. “The loss is painful. Their world feels less safe and their trust in others might be compromised. Their preoccupation with anxiety, shame and grief also means they’re likely to be distracted. The same is true for death. Kids sometimes feel like they did something to drive the absent parent away.”
If athletes dealing with these situations can’t express their feelings, they may act out by withdrawing, getting angry, fighting with others, exhibiting rude behavior or, in worst-case scenarios, start abusing drugs and alcohol, over- or under-eating, engaging in sexual promiscuity, etc. “The best way for coaches to handle this is to be sensitive to what’s going on, not pry, let the child know that he or she is available to talk and be aware of what other kids might say or do, such as tease or gossip,” says Dr. Enders.
This is also a good time to reach out to parents, as El did, to express your concern about the athlete’s well-being and let them know you’re available for support, especially if the athlete’s behavior is creating problems at school or the gym, which can further compound an already emotional situation. “If the athlete is having difficulty at school, such as with poor grades, behavior problems or being bullied, it’s important to make the parent aware of the situation,” says Le Vieux. “Encourage both the parent and athlete to reach out to school officials. They can provide support and may be able to give additional information about what’s been going on with their child. Encourage the student-athlete to speak with their school counselor, social worker or school psychologist. School personnel are also a good source of referrals for mental health services.” Dr. Enders also advises that coaches and gym owners keep a list of mental health care providers readily available for emergencies. (See bottom of page for a list of resources.)
During rough times, one way to reach out to your athletes is to create a supportive activity centered on something they love—cheerleading. “Last season, a girl on our Large Senior 5 team lost her dad unexpectedly,” says Courtney Smith-Pope, co-owner of Cheer Extreme All-Stars in Kernersville, NC, and 2009 USASF Coach of the Year. “While there was nothing we could do to make the pain go away, I know in the days following his death the constant text messages, phone calls and visits helped. We competed the following day and made a KC on the mat [in honor of her] instead of the usual X in our tumbling sequence. She watched [on YouTube] from home, and we brought the trophy over afterward. I know it’s just cheerleading, but looking back I think she’ll remember that glimmer of love and know there are so many people in her corner.”
Smith-Pope is also familiar with another heartbreaking aspect of coaching: handling the loss of an athlete. The best way to help your athletes overcome the loss of a friend and teammate is by showing your support and providing comfort and solace. “Years ago, we lost an 11-year-old girl on our Youth team from sudden cardiac arrest on the playground,” says Smith-Pope. “She was buried in her Cheer Extreme uniform, and I gave the eulogy. It was horrible, and there’s not a day that goes by that we don’t think about her. She taught our kids about the preciousness of life, and a lot of what she [stood for] lives on in my teams today. They love each other in a different way after experiencing this loss together.”

Dealing with Low Self-Esteem

Strong self-esteem is one of the most powerful tools in a young person’s arsenal. But problems at home, relationship issues, and balancing school, friends and athletics can contribute to stress, anxiety and low self-esteem in young people, particularly if they feel they’re not measuring up to their own or others’ standards. Athletes especially may feel this pressure. “Society sends subtle signals that athletes must achieve in their sport to feel worthy as an individual,” says Le Vieux.
Create a healthy and positive environment in your gym so your athletes always have a place to feel strong and comfortable. Take a cue from the celebrated World Cup All Stars in Freehold, NJ, whose coaches make it a habit to end each practice with specific words of encouragement to each athlete. “It’s not always the same old ‘good job,’” says coach and co-owner Elaine Pascale. “It’s the connection we make that sustains that trust.”
Being an athlete can also help bolster self-esteem. “The best way to instill confidence is to help a child master something,” says Dr. Enders. “Teens are especially prone to feeling [insecure] about themselves. Some of this is simply developmental, and it’s fruitless to argue with them because their feelings don’t come from a place of logic. But false praise by a coach can backfire; the cheerleader usually knows when praise is strained or inauthentic and ends up feeling worse. Kind, helpful feedback is best.”
Dr. Enders advises that coaches be specific about what an athlete should work on and offer encouragement and praise as he or she improves to help increase self-esteem. “Kids feel better about themselves when feedback is clear, honest, kindly delivered and related to mastery,” she says. “Not, ‘You’re great,’ but rather, ‘You’ve worked hard to improve your jumps, and it’s paying off.’”

Setting Boundaries and Staff Training

It’s impossible to help athletes without putting healthy and firm boundaries in place to protect you, your staff, athletes and families. “Boundaries include purpose, values, standards, guidelines, rules, mutual expectations, goals and anything else that affects personal or team performance,” says Le Vieux. “Establishing a relationship of trust and collaboration that prevents boundaries from becoming barriers is essential.”
While it’s up to you to decide what is and isn’t acceptable behavior between coaches and athletes when dealing with tough situations, you should make sure these guidelines are clear and understood by all parties. “Ultimate Athletics has set clear policies within the employee manual that indicate what is and isn’t appropriate with regard to coach/athlete/parent relationships,” says El. “Because of these parameters, we haven’t had any issues.”
UA also offers training for the coaching staff each season through Robert Ditter, a senior-level clinical social worker who specializes in the evaluation and treatment of children, adolescents and their families. “He brings his clinical training together with his knowledge of young people and organizational development for a powerful combination of programs, including staff interviewing, training and development, mentoring programs, child-abuse prevention, team development, group process and crisis intervention,” says El. Le Vieux advises that gym owners seek out similar education and in-service training for their coaches and staff to understand strategies, tips and information on working with young adults and children.
When the issues at hand involve parents or families, such as in a difficult divorce, you may find yourself inadvertently involved in a power struggle. “I’ve never had any boundary issues with athletes, but I’ve had parents put us in bad situations before,” says Casey Jones, president of Stingray Cheer Company in Kennesaw, GA. “Often parents who are going through a divorce struggle with deciding who’s going to pay for cheerleading.”
Continue to offer the best service you can to the child and work with the parents on a payment plan if that’s an option. The most important thing is that you and your staff maintain a modicum of respect and decorum and continue to make your gym a place where athletes and families feel safe. “I’m aware of my limits,” says Angela Rogers, co-owner, coach and CEO of Cheer Athletics in Garland, TX. “No matter how much I care for these kids, my role can’t go beyond being the best support system possible. We never try to step between parents and athletes, nor do we attempt to solve their problems for them. If their interest in our feedback goes beyond offering support during their difficult situation, we refer them to an appropriate professional.”
Difficult times are inevitable, but can be especially harsh for young people. You can provide a safe haven for them, a shoulder to lean on and an outlet for their stress through cheer. You never know how much you can help by listening and getting them the assistance they need. At the same time, understand your role and make sure to set proper guidelines when dealing with athletes’ problems. “I’ve learned that, when we’re helping athletes through a tough time, it helps to be clear with yourself as to what your role is in the relationship,” says El. “We’re not parents to these athletes. We must be mindful of the role we play and respect the wishes and responsibility of the parents.” Rogers agrees: “It’s best to remember to listen more than coach during these times, guide the athlete and be his or her support system.”

Tips for coaches and gym owners from Jane Le Vieux:
•    Encourage the athlete to talk about what he or she is going through and be willing to listen. Don’t jump to conclusions or give advice right away—that may not be what the athlete is looking for. Even if a problem seems small to you, it may be major to him or her. Minimizing a problem or saying “you’ll get over it” isn’t helpful. It gives the message that you don’t understand or aren’t willing to listen.
•    Offer reassurance, encouragement and support. Be willing to provide verbal or physical comfort, but don’t be discouraged if the athlete rejects your effort or is irritable. These are normal reactions. Be patient and let them know you’re available.
•    Model effective stress management and coping skills, and continue to provide structure, stability and predictability. Within reason, stick to the same rules, boundaries, roles and routines.
Jane Le Vieux, PhD, RN, LPC, RPT-S is the psychiatry consult liaison nurse at Children’s Medical Center of Dallas, TX. She’s worked with children and families for more than 20 years as a nurse and clinical therapist and has published numerous articles and book chapters on the topics of grief, loss and trauma.

Mental Health and Counseling Resources

•    The National Mental Health Information Center: 800-789-2647; mentalhealth.samhsa.gov
•    Association for Applied Sport Psychology: appliedsportpsych.org
•    The Bright Side: the-bright-side.org
•    Youth America Crisis Intervention Hotline: 877-YOUTH-LINE; youthline.us
•    Mental Health America Hotline: 800-273-TALK (8255); mentalhealthamerica.net